Motherhood and the Unseen Burdens

Motherhood—it's a topic we talk about all the time. We joke about the daily struggles, the sleepless nights, the never-ending mess. But behind every joke hides a parent, fragile yet fiercely loving, who would do anything for their child.

No parent truly knows if they’re making the right choices. We all worry, second-guess ourselves, and deep down, we probably traumatize our children in some way—just as our parents did to us, even if unintentionally. We swear we’ll do things differently. We try to break the cycle. I hear it all the time.

The Moment I Knew I Had Hurt My Child

Looking at my own son, I know I have left scars on him too. The day his father and I decided to separate, the damage was already done. Every decision I made after that was driven by my love for him, but also by guilt and insecurity. We, as parents, like to believe we can shield our children from pain. We tell ourselves they don’t see our struggles, our sadness, our fears. But here’s the truth: children feel everything. No matter how many smiles we put on, how many jokes we tell, how much love we pour into them—they feel it all. And worst of all? They are wired to believe that whatever bad happens is somehow their fault.

In a previous blog, I shared how deeply I wanted to be a mother. When I finally became one, I felt complete. My son was my anchor. From the moment he was born, I experienced every cliché—he was the most beautiful, precious little being I had ever seen. I couldn’t believe I had created something so perfect. He gave my life meaning. But looking back, I now realize that the way he became my anchor wasn’t healthy. It was toxic.

I was already struggling with my own health when he was born. Some days were harder than others. But every night, when I looked at him, I felt peace. He became my safe place. And then, without realizing it, I started placing all my emotions on him.

When I felt empty, I told him he was my everything. When I felt lost, I told him he was the reason I kept going. When I became a single mother, I told him it was me and him against the world. Every hardship I faced, I justified by saying, “I do this for you.” I would have written him a love letter every day if I could. I thought I was giving him love. But what I was really doing? I was giving him a burden.

The Moment It All Became Clear

I had a revelation recently during a spiritual healing session. My healer spoke about my mother, and every time she did, I defended her. Even though I had been hurt, I still found excuses for her:

• Yes, she did that, but I’m the only one she has.

• No, I can’t be upset because she does everything for me.

• She’s not like that—she only acts that way because she loves me.

Then my healer asked me: "Do you realize what kind of burden you are carrying? You won’t let go. She has hurt you, but you won’t allow her to be responsible for it."

And in that moment, it hit me. I broke down in tears because I finally understood—I had been carrying a weight that wasn’t mine to bear. But even worse? I had unknowingly placed the same weight on my son’s shoulders.

Breaking the Cycle

Realizing this was painful, but also necessary. I don’t want my son to grow up feeling responsible for my happiness. I don’t want him to carry the same burden I did. I want to break the cycle. Love should be freeing, not heavy. And as parents, the best thing we can do for our children is to love them without making them feel like they are responsible for saving us. So now, I’m learning to let go. To heal. To love my child in a way that doesn’t weigh him down.

Because he deserves that. And so do I.